


Living in the Ark

by fantastik_obskurials



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Gen, Living in Newt Scamander's Suitcase, Percival Graves and the Shower Incident, suitcase fam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 19:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15493098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantastik_obskurials/pseuds/fantastik_obskurials
Summary: Graves is getting used to living in a suitcase with other people, a veritable zoo of creatures, outdoor showers and large sulking obscurus clouds. Turns out, it might not be so bad after all.





	Living in the Ark

Percival Graves had lived completely alone for the better part of twenty years. His apartment was meticulously kept and the perfect size for a bachelor of his standing. Everything had its place, everything from the front door to the drains were warded, thus leaving him free to do exactly as he damn well pleased. Even though he spent more time in the office than at home, the apartment remained an enclave of quiet. No visitors. No unexpected disturbances that would throw off his day at work. 

Seraphina had long since given up badgering him to socialise more, asking if he wasn’t lonely rattling around in a shell of perfect monochrome. And really, he wasn’t. He had been an only child and a happily solitary one at that. Any fleeting thoughts of setting out two mugs of coffee instead of one, of listening to another’s voice sing along to the gramophone or exchanging the warmth of his cashmere blanket for body heat weren’t worth the disruption. The plan was to carry on fighting the good fight for a while longer and then go out in a blaze of glory, hopefully before suffering the ignominy of infirmity.

The plan hadn’t so much failed as imploded.

Turns out, even the darkest wizard of the age wasn’t enough to actually _off_ Percival Graves, though he gave it an annoyingly good effort. And instead of returning to his orderly ( _invaded_ ) office and quiet ( _violated_ ) apartment, he found himself sharing a _fucking suitcase_ with five - five! - other people. He remembered reading some no-maj bible stories as a child and coming across the tale of Noah’s Ark, where the supposed good guys and every beast on earth shared a nice boat to survive. He never expected to be fucking living in it.

***

The bath and shower (which Graves reminded himself he should be thankful existed at all) consisted of a large basin set into a rock formation which overlooked an expanse of green fields. The unidentified inhabitants of said fields were sufficiently far in the distance but for a man whose typical animal-filled day involved little more than shooing off some pigeons, it was a little disconcerting. Not to mention the lack of a shower curtain. The flat rock above his head which was charmed to act as a typical shower head did appear to have the remains of a rail around it. Unfortunately it was at a rather ridiculous height. 

_Goddamn beanpole Brits_. 

Since his escape (alright, fine, _escape with assistance_ ) Graves’ magic had been acting alternately like that of a geriatric with a penchant for overusing memory charms and an overactive five-year-old. He was diligently obsessively practising in private but was not sure that he could face the embarrassment if he had to confess to breaking the shower. 

_You were a soldier Graves. This is nothing._

Something with purple wings and too many legs flew past.

_On second thought, this is the perfect opportunity._

The shower curtain was a success. And the shower itself was surprisingly clean. Little bottles of hair and body potions had appeared in a nook in the rock when he stepped into the basin. He wondered who they belonged to. Some were fairly generic but a shimmery glass bottle that read _Sparkle and Shine Diamond Hair Potion_ did not strike him as something Scamander would voluntarily purchase. Unless it was for a fucking mooncalf or something. Graves used it anyway. It smelled subtly of vanilla and blossoms and made his scalp tingle. Charming the water just a touch hotter, Graves was beginning to think he could easily get used to this. He felt a little as if he’d swallowed a drop of cheering potion as he finished up and moved to pull back his really very effective shower curtain. He was just reaching for his towel when his brain caught up with his eyes and he let out a scream that could likely be heard outside the case.

\--

The others found Graves in a damp heap, tangled in the shower curtain and doing a rather good impression of a jarvey. Graves was beyond embarrassment at this point and was trying to get the four idiots to stop focusing on him and pay attention to the giant fucking cloud with teeth which appeared to have stopped seething and was now plastering itself to the rock face. Tina turned a truly astonishing shade of purple and simply walked away. Queenie wasn’t even trying not to giggle and pulled her no-maj beau off after her sister. 

_Traitors! Abandon a man in need why don’t you Goldsteins!_

Scamander had turned away from Graves and appeared to be scolding the demon cloud in a manner similar to the niffler.

“Honestly, you should know better! What on earth possessed you to go lurking around the shower of all places?”

If clouds could look like kicked crups, this one was doing its best.

“Oh come now, Credence, no harm done really. Come out and we’ll explain to Mr Graves.”

_Wait - Credence?_

The cloud swirled around in a bit of a flap for a few seconds before condensing and forming a tall, hunched and familiar form. Credence’s face was an alarming shade, though Graves imagined his own left something to be desired. At a nod from Scamander, he croaked out “Sorry Mr Graves.”

Graves tried to look as dignified as a man on his ass in a shower curtain could. He coughed.

“No harm done.”

The boy bolted.

“Need a hand?” Scamander wasn’t looking at him but that wasn’t unusual. The man didn’t appear remotely phased by the morning’s events and Graves found himself just a little grateful for it.

“Wouldn’t go amiss.”

Once on his feet and wearing the curtain like a toga, Graves’ heart-rate had returned to something resembling normal and he felt a little bad for reacting so badly to the obscurus, however justified.

“Is he alright?”

Scamander smiled in his lopsided way. “Oh yes, Credence likes to brood about the place sometimes, never does any damage, though I imagine it would be a bit startling if you haven’t seen it before. Just talk to him normally and he’ll be fine Mr Graves.”

Graves looked at himself and snorted. “Percival is fine.”

Scamander beamed and headed off, calling over his shoulder, “Newt. Come and have breakfast - Queenie and Jacob are honestly the best things to happen to my kitchen. Let’s see if we can get Credence looking a little less like a fire crab.”

“Uh Newt? Clothes?”

The man looked confused for half a second before laughing.

“You mean you don’t usually wear curtains? Come on down when you’re ready.”

\--

When Graves entered the kitchen (slash dining room slash workshop) everyone was squashed around enough food to feed half the city. Queenie and Jacob danced around each other with ease. Tina had her head buried in the newspaper while Newt was bottle-feeding a ball of fluff with two giant eyes with one hand while the other attempted to spoon eggs into his mouth without being intercepted by what looked like the world’s smallest pony. Pickett was running over the table trying to steal bits of pastry while Queenie scolded him. Credence was still a little flushed but he smiled at Graves when he said hello before going back to rubbing the niffler’s round belly. Something - some _things_ \- were buzzing about above their heads. An utterly ginormous owl was perched in the corner. He cracked open his eyes and stared at Graves. Graves nodded and the owl seemed satisfied.

It was utter fucking chaos.

“Is there coffee?”

“You betcha!” Queenie’s voice as a large mug and a steaming pot floated over to him.

Maybe he could get used to it after all.


End file.
